“We must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.” These wise words aren’t mine; they were spoken by Dumbledore, and even though he might be a fictional character, at the moment it feels like he’s addressing these words to me.
See, originally this column was supposed to be about my life as a bookseller and my bookish life in general. Unfortunately for a while I haven’t been finding the time (or energy) to write anything at all, since last year I decided to go back to school to become a teacher.
Did I want to become a teacher? Honestly, I had no idea, but the idea didn’t repel me as much as it did when I was in my early twenties. Back then, I was sure I would never become a teacher, because teenagers. Still, after graduating in 2013 the idea grew on me, but going back to school seemed like a hassle, money included.
Last year I decided I should try anyway, because well, if you haven’t tried something, then how do you know for sure it’s not your thing? And I liked it, sometimes I loved it, and sometimes I really hated it. Sometimes I was sure this was what I wanted, many times I wasn’t so sure. I blamed it on my insecurities, on the fact that it’s an occupation that should grow on you. I’d gotten off to a rough start, hadn’t I?
In the meantime I passed all my classes, got good grades. I had survived my first year.
During summer break I worked a lot, tried to read as many books as possible. Didn’t even get close to what I wanted to read. I tried to relax. Didn’t think about school at all. I also saw an amazing PhD on Dutch youth literature. I didn’t apply, but maybe (secretly) wanted to.
As the beginning of the new academic year neared, doubts popped up in my head. I ignored them. Unfortunately the doubts were stronger and even though I’m already a few weeks in, started new classes and all, I have no idea if I should and want to continue.
If I’m being honest, I think for now, it’s best to drop out and continue the search for what I really would like/love to do. I already have a pretty good idea actually, which excites and frustrates me at the same time. Jobs are scarce in the field where I know my heart lies (can you guess where?). However, jobs as a (Dutch language) teacher are plentiful.
I know that whatever I choose, it (somehow) will be okay. However, it might be right, but easy it ain’t.