“We must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.” These wise words aren’t mine; they were spoken by Dumbledore, and even though he might be a fictional character, at the moment it feels like he’s addressing these words to me.

See, originally this column was supposed to be about my life as a bookseller and my bookish life in general. Unfortunately for a while I haven’t been finding the time (or energy) to write anything at all, since last year I decided to go back to school to become a teacher.

Did I want to become a teacher? Honestly, I had no idea, but the idea didn’t repel me as much as it did when I was in my early twenties. Back then, I was sure I would never become a teacher, because teenagers. Still, after graduating in 2013 the idea grew on me, but going back to school seemed like a hassle, money included.

Last year I decided I should try anyway, because well, if you haven’t tried something, then how do you know for sure it’s not your thing? And I liked it, sometimes I loved it, and sometimes I really hated it. Sometimes I was sure this was what I wanted, many times I wasn’t so sure. I blamed it on my insecurities, on the fact that it’s an occupation that should grow on you. I’d gotten off to a rough start, hadn’t I?

In the meantime I passed all my classes, got good grades. I had survived my first year.

During summer break I worked a lot, tried to read as many books as possible. Didn’t even get close to what I wanted to read. I tried to relax. Didn’t think about school at all. I also saw an amazing PhD on Dutch youth literature. I didn’t apply, but maybe (secretly) wanted to.

As the beginning of the new academic year neared, doubts popped up in my head. I ignored them. Unfortunately the doubts were stronger and even though I’m already a few weeks in, started new classes and all, I have no idea if I should and want to continue.

If I’m being honest, I think for now, it’s best to drop out and continue the search for what I really would like/love to do. I already have a pretty good idea actually, which excites and frustrates me at the same time. Jobs are scarce in the field where I know my heart lies (can you guess where?). However, jobs as a (Dutch language) teacher are plentiful.

I know that whatever I choose, it (somehow) will be okay. However, it might be right, but easy it ain’t.

image by Sandyletters

Author

Maritza Dubravac was Bored to Death's very first columnist. She writes about her life as a bookseller, hosts the YA book club with us and is a mean cook. She also writes for Books & Bubbles, Hebban.nl about books and even dabbles in food writing as an editor for Nadelunch.com.

3 Comments

  1. Kleine S! Not much to be honest, just job-hunting and working at the bookstore at the same time. What about you?